Home Alone for Christmas -- An Estranged Couple's Tale
Posted: Tuesday, December 23, 2008
by Gerry Charbonneau
http://nibblednews.typepad.com
"When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have , at last, begun to." Helen Rowland
Mark and Theresa (fictitious couple) have been married for almost 23 years. Their two young adult children do not live at home anymore. This Christmas the children will visit the family dwelling. They will sadly discover that their father and mother no longer reside under one roof as a married couple.
Theresa describes herself as having been an avid and dedicated "hockey mom". She and Mark took an active role for many years in the scheduling and managing and coaching of their son's community hockey team. They shared in the cost of the hockey equipment and ice time and other miscellaneous expenses that hockey parents are obligated to pay. The hockey years passed quickly. The children eventually grew up and left home. Their only daughter left for college and visits home during the summer vacation break. They now face the empty nest dilemma that many couples run into when their children leave home to eventually pursue their own lives and careers
Theresa has always had a career in the banking industry as a loan's officer and estate planner. The bank she worked for cared little for her dedication and skills and over the years promoted other less qualified employees to fill managerial positions as they became available. Her employers asked her to train the new people to perform the higher level positions. This situation eventually irked Theresa but she knew that her family depended on her to do her share to keep the home fires going and get the monthly mortgage paid promptly. There were no realistic career opportunities heading her way in the immediate future.
Mark has been employed as a municipal employee for all these years. He also enjoys refereeing and coaching the hockey teams in the immediate vicinity and is an avid golfer. His parents live a mere stone throw away from his own home. To Mark the situation is idyllic.He has no complaints and looks forward to retiring in the next number of years with his pension intact.
Theresa has her own career dreams and goals. Her job at the small town bank was ruining her health physically and emotionally. Last summer she applied for a position with a credit union and was hired for her skill and banking experience. She was thrilled with the offer and sought an apartment in the new location. She looked forward to her new position with optimism and high hopes. Mark seemed less enthused and not that supportive of her striving to improve herself. He became more verbally abusive to her over time. She wanted Mark to go with her to marriage counseling but that suggestion was not received well. She has taken up residence in a new town and comfortable apartment of her own.
Her son has been trying to get her to go back home to visit for Christmas. He would like to have her there for Christmas dinner and a family events at the in laws house. At first she had made plans to stay in her apartment and enjoy the day with her new found friends and their families. Now , not wanting to spend the holiday alone, she is seriously considering going back to her previous residence to "please the kids and not be alone for Christmas". Her son will only be there for Christmas day and will leave the very next day to be with his girl friend who lives in another small town miles away. Her daughter, due to the inclement weather, might not make it home for the Christmas celebrations.
I have no idea what Theresa will eventually decide to do this holiday season. She does have a cold combined with bronchitis. If I were her I would relax in my new apartment and let the children visit me. The heart is a lonely hunter and people prefer the familiar to the excitement and the challenge of the unknown. My hope is that she will make up her own mind about things and not allow her children to persuade her to do things she might later regret. We all forge our futures from actions we take in the present.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)So many all alone people with no one to share even one day with.Thank you for your much appreciated comment.
It is truly disconcerting when a married couple you know decide to call it quits and face the challenges of life on their own. It is difficult to not step in and try to dissuade them from divorcing. However a friend can only listen and be supportive and try not to be judgmental. Life is about change. Some folks rather change slowly and others not at all.Just went through it for two very dear friends, more like family, and they are now together one 72 the other 64. It is terrible for anyone to live alone.
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